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Why would someone with a rational mind decide to enter into a committed relationship with someone who despises them? That would logically seem to be a major turnoff and the catalyst for an instant breakup. Unfortunately, the exact opposite occurs rather frequently. If your interest did not match with your wife, your mind will click that i think i hate my wife.

Many of us claim that we desire a loving relationship who puts our needs first. We inform our friends that we are seeking a kind, giving, and caring person. In our journals, we express our desire for our ideal mate to possess all of these great and kind traits. Then we start to fall for someone whose characteristics don’t exactly match what we say and think we want. What causes that to occur?

My personal experience is that loving someone who is kind and kind is actually more difficult. To love, appreciate, and be sexually aroused by kindness, empathy, and affection, we must be in a very secure state. It’s important to realize that having feelings, being wounded, and wanting to be close to someone are not symptoms of weakness. We must also realize that displaying bravado, appearing calm and unconcerned, and projecting an air of superiority while criticizing and in control are not indications of strength.

We are forced to look outside of ourselves when our partner is difficult, demanding, self-centered, arrogant, and not attentive to our requests and wants. We start concentrating on strategies to appease, communicate with, connect with, and manage our unreasonable spouse. However, if our spouse is kind, caring, and open, we won’t have to exert as much effort to win their favor. We are aware that we can get by with less effort. We are not pressured to exert ourselves beyond what we feel like doing at any particular time. Then we start focusing on the shortcomings of our spouse.

We have more available and free emotional energy to criticise, criticize, and undermine our partner’s self-esteem when we are not under any obligation to prove ourselves or do any action to earn the other person’s love, respect, or interest. Particularly if we lack self-confidence and are filled with uncertainty and self-doubt, we could mistakenly attribute similar traits to a partner who is openly expressing their love and emotions.

If you don’t somehow stand up for yourself, a spouse who is openly insulting you and treating you with animosity and even contempt, may continue that indefinitely. It’s possible that the other person will shock you by abruptly displaying their own fear, uncertainty, and vulnerability when you do, possibly by threatening to leave or refusing to be a victim any more. They could beg you to stay. When you start receiving love, kisses, presents, and sweet words, it could feel like you’re on your honeymoon. The pyrotechnics then resume when you let your guard down and return to simply loving this person.

It’s time for both of you to do some serious self-reflection and counseling if your partner seems to be saying, “I hate you, Please love me,” or “I despise you, Don’t leave me.” You must determine whether you want to be in a love-hate relationship and whether there is anything you can do right away to alter the dynamics and build the kind of loving connection you have always wanted. Due to lack of connection within a couple, the husband can say that i think i hate my wife.  Until something changes—either your partner becomes your loving equal or you exit the relationship and look for love elsewhere—seek out all the support you can.

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